RAW. POWERFUL. ROCK.

[fic] Happy Holidays, Alex! <3<3 [david henrie/lorenzo henrie, ADULT]

thisissirius@livejournal.com — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 23:31:00 GMT

.every now and then (we fall apart)
[house of mouse. david henrie/lorenzo henrie. adult. 2813 words rome!fic.]
He looked at Enzo, wondering if taking a step back had been the right thing to do after all.
notes; for blackwayfarers ♥. this was supposed to be in your PRESENT, all typed up and lovely and then i forgot to mail it. FAIL. so here it is, in all it's SHORT glory, haha. i am aware you have seen most of this already, but here's the whole thing? there's MORE because it's ROME and there are many more place they could go but for now this is all i have. ilu, alex. happy holidays :)

.every now and then (we fall apart)

"Yeah I-" David cut off and looked over the girls shoulder - he really should learn her name, Mary, Mandy, something - and caught sight of Lorenzo, sitting on the edge of the steps. He had his head bowed and some dude, hands jammed in his pockets and laughing, was bent over the top of him.

David clenched his fist around the beer bottle and felt his jaw clench. "Excuse me," he said, voice dark. He shouldered past the girl and strode across the stone, never once taking his eyes off of Lorenzo and his soon-to-be unwanted companion. David came to a stop beside his brother and curled a hand around his shoulder, fingers digging in harder than he meant them to. "Hey, Enzo."

"And you are?" The guy asked, raising a slender blond eyebrow. David resisted the urge to punch him square in the face. Barely.

"He's my brother," Enzo gave freely, grinning up at David like he was the best fucking thing in the world. It made David feel sick and angry all over again.

Jerking his chin, David gave the guy a challenge that he seemed eager to accept.

"Oh," he said, mouth quirking. David rethought his decision of restraint but still managed to stay his fist. "So, should I ask his permission?"

"For what?" David's voice was steel and Enzo finally picked up on it, brows drawn down into a frown.

"Me and the Kid were going to go for a few drinks, weren't we?" The guy started leering and David placed himself bodily between them, face schooled and blocking Enzo from view. He made it more than clear that if the douche took one more step towards Lorenzo then David was going to smack him in the mouth.

David cocked his head, eyes hard. "There's drink here," he said, tone even.

He could feel Lorenzo staring at his back and David knew that he was giving off mixed signals, calling Enzo forward with his kisses and touches and then shutting him down the instant David got scared, like he had a right to fuck around with Enzo's affections. Like he had a right to any of this.

"Hey, man, it's cool. You know what? He's not worth it."

Enzo watched the guy walk away and frowned. "He was just being polite, David."

David glared at the back of the guys head and turned around, trying to think of something to say. He reached a hand over to touch the back of Enzo's neck but he ducked out of the way, climbing one step, trying to get away from David. "Enz-"

"No," Enzo said, anger lining his face, "You always ruin things for me. I'm never allowed anything."

"This isn't about being allowed things. That guy would have-"

"Would have what? Been nice to me? Talked to me? Which is more than you've done since we got here!"

It's not true, David thought. It's not.

He looked at Enzo, wondering if taking a step back had been the right thing to do after all.

Enzo finally came to him, dropping back down and letting David pull him close. He could feel Enzo's breath against his neck, close to panting and something in David was still chanting stop, stop, stop, but he couldn't now, not even if he'd desperately wanted to. "Enzo, Enzo we-"

"Don't say no," Enzo pleaded, looking up and his eyes were wide and open. It hurt David to look at him. "Don't say no."

"I won't," David promised and closed the gap between them, a slight brush of their lips but it was enough. Enzo seemed to sag in relief, fingers clutching at David's shirt and his eyes sliding closed. David rested his chin on the top of Enzo's head and watched the light breeze swirl flower petals over the steps. Rome was nice, almost too nice to be sullied by whatever inappropriate thoughts David harboured for his brother.

"You're thinking too hard," Enzo whispered into the crook of his neck. "Stop it. Don't think about anything but me."

"That's the problem," David sighed, but it was unfair to take it out on Enzo; he hadn't asked for any of this, after all.

Still.

"This can't happen, Enz. It can't."

"It has. It is." Enzo kissed the curve of David's collarbone and his fingers tightened in David's shirt, afraid he would pull away and leave. It was too late for that now.

David relented, finally, and touched Enzo's chin, lifting his head. He stared into his brother's - god - face and then kissed him again. This time it was desperate and needy, teeth raking Enzo's bottom lip and he stumbled on the step, knee nudging between David's.

David froze, every muscle in his body tight and stiff. He made a soft noise into Enzo's mouth but it was Enzo that led them, Enzo who let his fingers drag underneath David's shirt and brush against his skin. David shivered, feeling an overwhelming need for Enzo that he couldn't ignore. Suddenly he didn't feel restricted, guilty or wrong. It was there, he could still feel it, but it didn't matter. Not under the careful gaze that Enzo was directing at him, or the light caresses of his fingers, just a rake of nails lightly down his side. David moved them backwards until Enzo was pressed against the stone wall surrounding the steps. The uneven surface must have been uncomfortable but Enzo just groaned into David's mouth, hands sliding up his back and clutching at his shoulders.

The cold air was a shock against his back, but David ignored it. The smell of Enzo was intoxicating and heady and he crowded Enzo against the wall, desperate to let him know how much David wanted him in return, desperate for more.

They were where anybody could see them but amongst the crowd of people they were almost invisible. Parties were full of couples making out and nobody knew that David and Enzo were-

None of them knew them and it meant that David didn't have to be shy about his actions. He had never bothered to censor himself, not even living under the Disney shadow and he did what he liked and let them clean up the mess afterwards. He was an idol to many but cared about few.

Enzo snapped him back to reality, mouthing at his jaw and neck, hands pulling at his shirt until he'd pushed it around David's shoulders, exposing his chest to the same air rushing over his back.

"Enzo, slow down," David breathed, bracing his hands either side of Enzo's head. It was an awkward position, the shirt restricting his movements, but Enzo's hands felt good against his skin, testing every inch of him. David knew what this was; Enzo cataloguing every contour, ever scar, every blemish. Maybe this was his only chance to have this and he wanted to remember it, remember everything.

David grabbed Enzo's wrists and kissed him hot and hard on the mouth. As nice - as wanted - as this was, he wasn't comfortable with taking a backseat. He'd been letting Enzo lead up until now but if he was doing this, and it was obvious that he was, that he couldn't stop, then he was going to be the one showing Enzo why nobody but David was ever going to touch him. Why nobody but David was ever going to be enough.

"Do you want this?" He asked, not even needing to hear the answer. Enzo shifted against his leg and David could feel him, hard and trembling.

"Yes," Enzo said, voice twisted with want. He leaned up, tried to kiss David but David pull away, turning his face so that Enzo could only brush his cheek. "David, David."

It was a whine, a desperation and David smirked as Enzo pushed against him.

He let Enzo's hands drop as he pulled his shirt around his shoulders until he could move again, planting one leg firmly between Enzo's. Enzo groaned and shuddered, hands searching blindly for purchase and he dug his nails into David's arms. David lent forward, laughing quietly as he wrenched at Enzo's t-shirt, rough and heavy as he pulled it up and off. Enzo didn't shiver in the cold air, a flush rising over his chest and a sheen of sweat glistening across his stomach. David swallowed hard, composing himself as he touched - letting his fingers run over the defined muscles of his brother's torso.

They were in the middle of a party - in public - but the only thing in the world that mattered in that moment was Enzo and his breathy, needy moans.

"I've got you," David said, not completely sure he was telling the truth. "I've got you."

Enzo shifted his feet, trying to find purchase against David's knee, but David wouldn't let him. He stilled Enzo, trapping him against the wall until Enzo said his name, drawing it out into a whine. He looked David in the eye and started to pant his name, hips wiggling against the hold David had him in. It made David pause, swallow and take a breath, to know how much Enzo wanted this and wanted him. The look on his face, his eyes were so dark that they were almost black and it gave David the final push he needed, fingers fumbling slightly as they popped the button on Enzo's jeans. This was it, then. The point where David could no longer say no.

It was easy to drag the zipper the rest of the way.

"Hey," Enzo said, his eyes catching on something over David's shoulder and he twisted his head, realising that people were watching.

David snorted, ruffling the hair on Enzo's forehead and with a smug sense of satisfaction he recognised the dude from earlier - the one who'd been hitting on Enzo.

Enzo was watching everyone, wide-eyed but still turned on. His fingers were flexing against David's hands. This was something new, dangerous, but David wouldn't stop - not if Enzo still wanted this. Public sex was a bit more wild than was expected, but this was Enzo and he was different and intoxicating and gorgeous and David's.

Drawing Enzo's attention back to him, David hooked his fingers in the belt loops of his jeans and shifted him on the steps, until Enzo's head dropped back against the wall, feet askance on the floor. David sucked in a breath and dropped to his knees, the stone cold and hard beneath him. Enzo blinked heavily, looking down through his lashes at David's face. "They can see," he managed tightly and David knew, smugly, that the breathless tone was all because of him.

"Then let them look," David said, knowing that they were hidden enough in the dark that people wouldn't make out his face - not and recognise him. They'd see Enzo, not the guy sucking his dick.

"David," Enzo said, strangled, but David was already reaching for him, pulling on Enzo's jeans until they were shoved halfway down his thighs.

David raised an eyebrow. "Expecting this, were you?"

Enzo blushed, a deep read that ran down his chest and stomach, muscles rippling in front of David's face. He laughed, a puff of warm air that blew straight over Enzo's exposed cock. He'd forgone underwear and David felt a flush of something to think that Enzo had done this on purpose.

Enzo's eyes drifted back up, looking over the crowd and David knew he was turned on by the thought of so many people watching this. He could see the way Enzo was standing, leaning more against the wall for support as David wrapped his fingers around him, free hand curling around Enzo's thigh. The muscles danced under his fingers and David admired the amount of restraint Enzo was using to keep from jerking into his grasp.

He held Enzo's gaze for a while, jerking his hand only once and relishing the hiss of a breath between Enzo's teeth, the way he looked, all desperate and dishevelled in the descending darkness. Muttering and murmurs from the crowd drifted over to them but David ignored it all and ducked froward, taking the head of Enzo's cock in his mouth, grazing lightly with his teeth - knowing the right amount of pressure between pleasure and pain.

Enzo let out a soft groan and then a cry, his fingers fumbling into David's hair, twisting the strands against his palms. "David," he managed. "God I, I love-"

David cut him off, not wanting to hear it, not yet. He pulled back, watching Enzo's head tip back, exposing his throat to the air. He swallowed hard and David hummed lightly in the back of his throat, using every trick he knew and had learnt to drive Enzo crazy. Enzo was a teenager and didn't yet have the ability to stave off his orgasm and David knew he'd have to make this worth it, make it last just long enough for Enzo to have the best damned orgasm he could.

"David," Enzo said, high-pitched. "David, please, please." He kept up the litany as David relented, let Enzo's hip go.

Unable to keep from fucking David's mouth, Enzo's grip on his hair tightened, holding him in place. David braced his hands against the wall and let Enzo have at it curling his tongue along the underside of Enzo's dick and feeling him shudder against face and hands.

Enzo's feet shifted just a fraction and David knew he wasn't going to last much longer. He could see the way Enzo's face was scrunched up, tongue poking between his teeth. The way his knees trembled either side of David's head. The way his fingers were flexing in his hair. He decided to help things along, moving his hands back to Enzo's hips and digging his thumbs against the bone, hearing the hiss of pain from above. Enzo keened, then, hips pumping against David's hands and David gave in, hummed low in the back of his throat and let the vibrations roll over Enzo's, from the tip of his cock all the way down to the base and finally, yes, Enzo cried David's name.

David kept his eyes on Enzo's face the whole time, not moving away until Enzo collapsed against him, fingers loosening in David's hair and coming away with a few strands.

When Enzo opened his eyes, dazed an sated, he touched Davids face, swiping his thumb against David's bottom lip and dropping his head, kissing him, tasting himself on David's tongue.

David smiled against the curve of Enzo's lips and let the I love you whisper into his mouth.

+

The ride back to the hotel was quiet and strange.

The subway was almost deserted late at night and David found it easy to lead Enzo onto the car, find an empty seat and sit, letting Enzo drape himself across him. There was an old lady down the other end of the car and a man with a newspaper, pretending not to see them. David let his hand thread into Enzo's hair, stroking it to the rhythm of the low music playing throughout the train.

Nobody had seemed to know what to do once David and Enzo had parted, melting their way back into the party and leaving everybody to wonder if they'd seen anything at all. Enzo had been high, giggling and dancing his way across the square and it had taken almost ten minutes to convince him that it was time to leave. David wanted the privacy of the hotel, the anonymity that came with it. The ability to hold Enzo and not have anybody judge him for it.

"Are you done being mad at me?" Enzo asked, playing with the knee of David's jeans.

David didn't know how to answer him. "I wasn't mad at you, Enz. I was mad at the situation. Wanting something I can't have."

All too aware of the two people sharing their car, David didn't want to say too much. This was a conversation for their hotel. Enzo seemed to understand, eyes sliding closed and content to ride the rest of the way home in silence.

+

It wasn't until later, when David crawled into bed and let Enzo cling to him, limbs everywhere, that he understood.

It wasn't about wanting something he couldn't have. Enzo had always been obvious in his affection for David, in his want and it had never occurred to him that David would never want him back.

Maybe it was about trusting Enzo and seeing where this went, even if the fear that coiled tightly in David's stomach never went away. He could remember every touch of Enzo's skin, every kiss they shared and it would be enough.

It had to be.

.the end

[merlin] that time someone from production wanted to see inside my journal D: D:

thisissirius@livejournal.com — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 18:11:10 GMT

Apparently, with the latest episode of secrets and magic, there was a whole THING about fandom being thrown into the spotlight.

I would say I am worried but that would be a gigantic lie. I think it's easy to forget sometimes, having been in fandoms where the secrecy of the fandom is very important, that Merlin isn't really like that. The people behind the show (crew, producers, actors etc.) have been well aware of fandom from the beginning and that, unfortunately, includes the slash side.

It would be stupid to think that they haven't googled themselves once or twice (I know it would be something I would do were I ever in that position) and whilst it's not always the best idea, in some cases it's inevitable. (See: Bradley James.)

They blurred out the web pages in question (and we only know because we've been to that page a hundred times over) and it's insane to think that you can actually hide a fandom following the size of LJ. Insane.

When you have people showing up at conventions with huge MERLINxARTHUR FOREVER!!!! signs and people talking about how they've met friends over the internet because of MERLIN, it's hard not to be intrigued by what people are saying. It's not hard to imagine that someone has been to YouTube, someone's been to LJ, someone's been to [INSERT SITE NAME HERE]. We make no secret that the internet holds the basis of the Merlin fandom for us; we're unashamed to admit that most of the friends we've made through MERLIN have been internet based.

I'm not worried. I'm not going to suddenly lock down every fic I've ever written ever for Merlin because OMG THE SLASH!!! It's ridiculous and pointless. If you google my name in conjunction with Merlin, I'm pretty sure the first thing that would come up is a slash fic of some kind.

I don't care if Bradley sees it (HAHA). I don't care if Johnny Capps reads my entries about how much I want to rip Colin's clothes off. I don't care if a crew person decides that my entry about Arthur being ridiculously dim in regards to Merlin's magic is particularly enlightning.

My journal has been this way forever. Through SGA. Through Heroes, through Torchwood, through Supernatural.

It will continue to stay this way through Merlin.

Read away, guys. Maybe we can discuss the show. I'd like that.

♥

[merlin] never though that you'd want to bring it down

thisissirius@livejournal.com — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 22:28:34 GMT

Changing the format for this thing because I need to express my thoughts in actual sentences.

I've written this thing three times already because I'm not quite sure how to put my thoughts into words.

Colin knocked my socks off.

His acting was superb and I actually cried. I'm not talking the sobs you usually throw at Merlin episodes. I am talking legitimate tears. I know, right? That just doesn't happen around this journal space BUT IT DID. Because Colin just broke my heart. I don't think I have anything emotional left to give this episode because it WRECKED ME.

I'm not going to lie.

I went into this thing expecting to be as disappointed as I was last year. I thought they'd get it wrong again, fail me but they did NOT. I'll admit I was sort of hoping for a reveal but that doesn't matter in the face of what they DID give me.

That last shot of Merlin and Arthur retunring to Camelot, side by side will resonate with me for a long time, I think. It would have been a perfect end to the season if they'd been cancelled. Luckily they weren't (and the only thing missing was MORGANA) but I am not unhappy with this ending. I APPROVE.

The scenes between Arthur and Merlin!

The scene in the TAVERN! Merlin just being completely TERRIFIED in the bar. Arthur trying to get Merlin to TALK TO HIM. Arthur moaning Merlin's name! BEING FRIENDS IF THEY WEREN'T PRINCE AND MANSERVANT! That SCENE BETWEEN THEM, WHEN MERLIN SAYS HE'S COMING WITH HIM. PROTECTING THE ARMOUR!

Oh, god. I can't even THINK ABOUT THEM wihtout getting this stupid fuzzy feeling in my chest. I love that they are FRIENDS FIRST, even more than my tin hattedness about Merlin/Arthur. I love that this friendship neither of them acknowledges is STILL THERE and has been all along. Merlin riding out with Arthur because, fuck it, he's INVESTED and he's going to protect Arthur and kaljldkjsal.

THIS EPISODE, you GUYS. THIS EPISODE.

If you don't know by now that the Dragon is my favourite character then I don't know what to say to you.

I love the Dragon. I understand his motives, what made him attack Camelot. (We have his NAME!!!!!!) But I also understand why Merlin let him go. Despite his anger at the end of last season/beginning of this one, I think there was always a bond there that he just didn't want to acknowledge. I love that last scene between them, complete and utter DEFERENCE on the Dragon's part and Merlin's knowledge that he can't kill him, WON'T, was amazing. That SCENE. Colin's acting left me breathless and the sight of the Dragon flying off - UGH.

Thank you, BBC, for not killing him.

I just - everything about this episode has been just AMAZING. I can't even think right now what it lacked - besides Morgana - but THANK YOU.

I am so pleased.

I had other thoughts but I just don't know what else to say right now. I am still so PLEASED about this episode. UGh, going to download RIGHT NOW.

I know some people are NOT looking forward to season three and saying that this isn't the same show they came to love; i agree, it's not. I've been disappointed by some of the happenings this season as well but I still love it the same way I always did, just for different reasons.

I stuck with SGA through the crappy seasons and I will continue to do so with Merlin.

I love my two crazy boys too much to leave them behind.

[fic] jonas brothers } (and he told me) that i'd done alright

thisissirius@livejournal.com — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 21:26:36 GMT

.(and he told me) that i'd done alright
[joe & nick being the best brothers. g. 668 words. administration!tour.]
sometimes he turns, expecting them to be there and they're not
notes; for liketheroad

Nick's just finished playing in Michigan. He's halfway through the tour and it's been so awesome and he loves playing these intimate shows where he can see everybody's faces and guage their reactions, how much they love what he's doing and how well it's going.

It's weird being away from his brothers and even though they've been to some shows already - Kevin was in Texas and DC and Joe showed up for the Tennesse performance - it's not the same as having them with him. He's used to sharing the stage, to leaning against Joe and rocking out with Kevin and sometimes he turns, expecting them to be there and they're not. It's hard but he's learning.

He heads for the bus almost immediately, aware that they have to travel on to Illinois tonight and he just wants to crash and sleep and ignore everything his father has to say on his performance. Nick had hoped for a little reprieve and even if his father is only trying to help, Nick's just not used to facing the criticism alone.

When he pulls back the curtain to his bunk, Joe's lying down, grinning up at him. "Hey, Nicky!"

Nick had spoken to Kevin in DC - spent the night with both him and Danielle - but in Nick hadn't had the chance to catch up with Joe at the Nashville show, whisked off almost immediately by his father. He'd just been a face in the crowd and NIck had been too nervous to check his reaction. He remembers Joe's face at the Grammy's, proud but unsure and Nick doesn't know if he wants this for Nick, if he's happy with this.

Seeing Joe, here and close, Nick is almost overwhelmed. It's only been a week but already it feels as if Joe has been gone for months. Setting his guitar against the opposite bunk, Nick grabs a fistful of Joe's shirt and hauls him up and out until he's standing in front of him. "What are you doing here?"

"I told you I'd do this. It's not my fault you didn't believe me," Joe says, smiling that insufferable smile that Nick's missed so much.

"You-" Nick says, cutting himself off. He pulls Joe into a hug, wrapping his arms around him and pressing his face into Joe's neck.

Joe doesn't hesitate to hug him back, kissing Nick's temple. "You were good, Nicky. Real good."

Nick lets the nickname go, too glad to have Joe here. "It's weird."

Joe snorts, ruffles the hair on Nick's neck and he grins, can't help himself. Joe is warm from the bus and Nick never wants to let go but he does, putting a little distance between them.

"You mean it? About the show?"

Pulling a face, almost sad, Joe tilts his head. "You never need to ask for my approval, Nick."

Nick doesn't know what to say. Joe's never outwardly expressed how he feels about the whole Administration thing but Nick can read the silence and the glances, almost betrayed. "I never wanted to go on tour without you, to do this without you."

"Good thing you're not, then," Joe says, grasping Nick's shoulders.

"What?"

"We're finishing this tour together," Joe proclaims, grinning wider. "I'm going to be backstage, cheering you on and maybe ringing Kevin to critique your performance."

"I hate you," Nick says almost immediately, even as his heart swells with love. "I really really hate you."

Joe shakes his head. "No, you don't."

Nick just expels a breath he thinks he's been holding since Texas.

Pulling Nick forwards, Joe presses their foreheads together, his fingers hot against the back of Nick's head. "I'm so proud of you Nick. Proud of your music and this tour and of just being your brother."

"Shut up," Nick whispers, because Joe never needed to say any of that and he doesn't know how to say it back. He thinks that from the way Joe slides his fingers down Nick's face, keeps their bodies together until Nick feels as if he can relax again, finally, that Joe knows it anyway.

.the end

[stuff that i learnt today]

thisissirius@livejournal.com — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 19:56:44 GMT

what i learnt today;

+ every christmas card written to me contains some form of you giant pedo for liking nick jonas. most of them were nicer about it. they also seem amused my giant love for a boy who is considerably younger than me.

+ tentacle monsters need some sort of support group. (i'm on this sian, don't worry!)

+ colin morgan can slice cheese on his cheekbones.

+ ionaonie gives the best presents in the world.

+ yavvanauk is secretly bradley james.

+ joseph jonas is a tinhat. (administrate me, nick.)

+ fangirls make as much noise as people watching liverpool v. arsenal on the television in a pub.

+ bradley james < colin morgan is fact. sorry girls. but i if bradley was to appear in front of me naked the first thing i would say is put some clothes on. well, no the first thing i'd say would be where's colin? the second would be put some clothes on.

+ gaius is a giant pedo.

+ you're the voice tortures sian and it is ~amazing.

+ old man love is not as socially unacceptable as being a pedo for nick jonas. (i'll still fight you on this one, caroline.)

+ people don't appreciate it when your unpopular fandom opinion is that you don't like misha collins/castiel. whatever, spn fandom, whatever.

+ episode 'discussion' is so much more fun with 2090 more fangirls.

+ i love my merlin meets like nothing else. 2009 was awesome guys, let's make it even more so in 2010 \0/

+ joe jonas is still a tinhat.

ETA;

WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU PLAY 'FUCK, MARRY, KILL' WITH THE JONAS BROTHERS? Ugh, this shit does my head in.

Gee, I wonder how those results are going to turn out.

/sarcasm.

[fic] jonas brothers } until i quit this earth [joe/nick, pg13. WARNING]

thisissirius@livejournal.com — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 00:30:39 GMT

DON'T HATE ME. THIS IS BECAUSE I HAVE SPENT THE LAST TWO WEEKS STUDYING WUTHERING HEIGHTS AND WISHING I WAS DEAD EVERYTIME I WAS FORCED TO WATCH 'HEATHCLIFF' WITH CLIFF RICHARD SINGING ABOUT BEING MISUNDERSTOOD.

some words shamelessly stolen from a song from the movie. i don't care which.

.until the day i quit this earth
[jonas brothers. joe/nick (slight joe/demi. blink and you'll miss it). pg13. 847 words.]
He thought of his own life, always waiting, waiting for someone who had abandoned him years ago.
notes; ugh i don't even know where this came from. don't hate me. i hate it, if that helps?
disclaimer; definitely didn't happen.
other; great stonking warning for character death (highlight to read if you're worried about such things).

The leaves crunched under foot as Nick navigated his way down the path.

He knew the way almost by heart and counted his way along the stones, four, five, six until he came to the same worn, weed-ridden plot he'd used to care for. It wasn't so easy now, limbs refusing to work under the guise of age. Still, Nick liked to sit on the bench opposite the beaten stone and watch the birds pick at the grass.

"I thought you'd be here," Joe said, sliding along the bench until he was pressed tight along Nick's body, thigh to shoulder.

Nick made a soft noise, assenting. "Happy birthday."

Joe hummed with pleasure, jostling Nick's shoulder. "I'm sure you have plenty to tell me."

Nick thought about Kevin's son, bright and happy and eager, leading his new wife down the aisle. He thought of Frankie, passing his driving test after thirty three attempts. Of his mother and father, finally stripping their house of everything that reminded them of their children. He thought of his music, lining the shelves in stores and selling by the millions. He thought of Demi, eyes bright and open, after so long in grief.

He thought of his own life, always waiting, waiting for someone who had abandoned him years ago.

"I didn't leave you," Joe said, mouth tilted unhappily.

"I'm still here," Nick replied, looking away from Joe and back out towards the church, bells ringing in the lunch hour.

Joe didn't say anything to that and Nick thought he had gone. Instead, he was standing in front of the stone, running his fingers over the lettering engraved down the centre. "I don't remember anything, you know. I tried, once, to think about it but all I felt was your sadness. An overwhelming flood of pain and you and I never understood it."

Nick's heart clenched painfully. "I don't know what you want me to say. I won't apologise for missing you."

"I don't want you to," Joe said, turning around. "You haven't lived, Nick. You've just been waiting and you have to stop."

"No." Nick's jaw tightened and Joe was next to him, cupping his face and pressing a kiss to his nose.

"Nick. Nick, please. I don't want you to waste away, wondering if I would be proud of you or still want you or hate you. I want you to be the person I know you can be, making music and calling Kevin at horrible hours of the morning to ask for clothing advice."

Smiling involuntarily, Nick felt himself pressing into Joe's hand, longing for his touch. "I don't remember what you taste like."

It was a startling admission, one that would have been dragged up forcefully from within back when they'd been children.

Joe kissed him, then, full on the lips, letting Nick lick into his mouth and remember everything. He let Nick's hands wander over his back and down his sides, cataloguing every touch for a future without him.

"I cannot rest in peace without you," Joe whispered, resting his chin on Nick's shoulder. Nick shivered even though there was no hint of breath against his neck. "I wait for you."

Nick's hands curled into fists against his knees.

"Brother," Joe said, kissing the shell of NIck's ear. "Lover." A nuzzle to Nick's neck. "Friend."

Swallowing down a sob, Nick reached over and took Joe's hand, his own growing old and worn, large against Joe's, soft and smooth and young.

"I'll see you next year?"

Joe's face lit up at Nick's nod and Nick allowed himself to be pulled into a hug, tight and welcoming. He remembered what this used to feel like, when they'd both been - when Joe had been real and not some product of Nick's over active imagination. Joe laughed against Nick's ear, light and free.

"I'm real, Nick. Real and waiting."

Squeezing tight, Nick waited until the breeze blew across his face and then stepped back, looking down at the grave. There was a crunch of gravel and Nick looked up, Kevin's familiar face smiling back at him. Nick almost couldn't stand it, rising to stand, kicking over the dead weeds littering his brother's resting place.

"I thought you'd stopped coming," Kevin said. That's what Nick had said to him one day, hot from anger and resentment at the life Kevin had been able to lead.

Nick shrugged and didn't move away as Kevin came to stand next to him, resting a hand on the back of Nick's neck. "I thought I could stay away, thought I could do this without him."

Kevin's eyes were sad and pained but he didn't say anything else.

"You didn't have to follow me," Nick said, hands shoved into his pockets. "I'm forty, not four."

"Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference." Kevin was trying for light and free and Nick let himself feel it, if only for a second.

"I miss him," Nick managed, finally.

Kevin squeezed his hand. "I know."

There was nothing much left to say after that.

.the end

[wishlist] for me :)

thisissirius@livejournal.com — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 21:45:11 GMT

Step One:
• Make a post (public, friendslocked, filtered... whatever you're comfortable with) to your journal. The post should contain your list of 10 unlimited holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fandom-related ("I'd love a Snape/Hermione icon that's just for me") to medium ("I wish for _____ on DVD") to really big ("All I want for Christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV.") The important thing is to make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.
• If you wish for real life things (not fics or icons), make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you.
• Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your journal, so that the holiday joy will spread.

Step Two:
• Surf around your friendslist (or friendsfriends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now here's the important part:
• If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use--or even know where you could get someone's dream purebred Basset Hound for free--do it.
• You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out; it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf--to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not--it's your call.
* There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just... wish, and it might come true. Give and you might receive. And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.

[spoilers for merlin episode 2x08 in the post (number #2)]

o1. i want JONAS on dvd so that i can take that joy with me everywhere. just putting that out there.

o2. a merlin/arthur fic set to sins of the father. someone give me merlin letting arthur kill uther and the REPERCUSSIONS. i would love to have that in my HANDS.

o3. colin and bradley go to a jonas brothers concert and meet the boys. seriously. combine my two fandoms and i will have your children a thousand times over. bonus points if bradley is horrified by joe but kind of wishes he could be just as (that little bit retarded) him. kevin being awesome. nick being genuinely confused by colin's accent and being a douche all the time. i don't know, i just want this so bad. colin/nick forever would make me ridiculously happy especially if there was joe/nick and colin/bradley RESOLVED at the end. but make kevin awesome. because kevin is awesome ;_;

o4. covers for any of my fics. i love covers more than ANYTHING in the world and i would DIE if i had one.

o5. fanmixes. i don't have enough fanmixes. colin/bradley. merlin/arthur. nick/joe. keeeeeeeeeevin. someone make me a kevin fanmix because kevin doesn't get enough love and he SHOULD.

o6. this. it's fucking amazing and i want it. i don't care if you are all ROLLING YOUR EYES at me right now. i still want it.

o7. letters. mail. postcards. i love hand written stuff. i have a whole box here at home full of stuff people have written me. i keep it all :>

o8. a ticket to see nick jonas and the administration and the flights to get there, LOL ;_; (nick is my favourite thing in the world and he is out of my reeeeeeeeeeeach. (this would be one of those wishes that are NEVER EVER granted but i thought i would throw out there ;))

o9. a joe/nick fic where joe is unhappy with the nick j and the a shenanigans. and nick doesn't get it because he's happy and shouldn't joe be happy for him? and joe being all conflicted because he does want nick to be happy but he's also worried nick doesn't need him anymore and he doesn't like that and there's conflict and sadness but ultimately they're nick and joe and they fix it. ANYONE ;_;

1o. tell me what would make you happy, flist, and you will make me happy in return. ask me for something and i shall do my best to give it.

[if you want my address for anything at all just ask and it shall be sent to you]

[christmas, THINGS] @nickjonas; what is sidecar one? am i just crazy?

thisissirius@livejournal.com — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 23:00:14 GMT

OKAY ~~CAMPERS~~ FLIST.

I have written CARDS. I have sorted envelopes into COUNTRY PILES. I have to now buy stamps and MAIL THEM and all your cards/presents are DONE.

HOWEVER. I need addresses from the following people;

expastic (I'll just text you, LOL), liketheroad, liz_hollis, mellaithwen and myfoolisheart.

I HAVE GIFTS FOR YOU AND I CAN'T SEND THEM ;_; (that's if you don't MIND giving them to me? IDEK if you don't want to that's cool, too.)

let_fate_decide, likecharity and lavvyan stuff is coming your way TOO.

In other news, this is my ADVENT CALENDAR;

i was upset that they do not seel JONAS ones so i had to make my own. it also includes troy bolton. just because. except i now cannot open my windows properly ;_;

so now what i see when i wake up;

(yes, th_esaurus, those are your sketches :D)

pee.ess; those on my twitter; th_esaurus is forcing me to post this tweet every day until nick replies. how is this my life and why am I AGREEING? why did i DO IT? i am so easy for nick and sidecar one. i need to know what it is. I NEED TO KNOW.

[fic] jonas brothers } girl!au snippet [kevin/zac, joe/nick, pg. 1536 words.]

thisissirius@livejournal.com — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 23:46:22 GMT

.to give all i can [a the bitch is on the pitch snippet]
[girl!au. kevin/zac, joe/nick. pg. 1563 words. the one where they are GIRLS.]
"She's happy," Joe pointed out. "Why doesn't that matter enough to let it drop?"
notes; the best fics are always developed in th_esaurus' kitchen. this fic is no exception. we've been talking about this FOREVER so i am here to present you with a short snippet of girl!au. enjoy!

.to give all i can

"Come on, Nicky," Joe said, flinging her arms out wide and taking in the dorm room. "There's plenty of space in here."

Nick pulled an all too familiar face of exasperation and slipped into her cardigan. "We're not having this conversation again, Joe. You can't turn Kevin's dorm room into a store room for 'potential merchandise.' It's a tuck shop, not a shopping outlet."

Joe let out a disappointed noise but Kevin looked up from her finance books, pen tapping thoughtfully against her bottom lip. "You know, we made a profit on the tuck shop yesterday. There's always-"

Nick cut across her sharply. "Don't encourage her, Kevin. The tuck shop always makes a profit, it's a tuck shop run by the school." She leaned over to the mirror and adjusted her beret.

Kevin didn't look put out by the words, just bent over her books again. Joe watched Nick quietly, always so intent to look good. Her hair was immaculate underneath the green hat and her clothes neatly washed and ironed. Even her socks were rolled right up to her knees. She was always so perfect about everything that it drove Joe crazy. It wasn't as if Kevin would miss the room, not really. She always had stuff shoved up against the walls anyway and they could make so much money and buy all those nice things Nick always complained about not having. The best equipment and the outfits that looked nice (and intimidated the most people). She could have anything she wanted, but being perfect obviously extended to being a spoil-sport. That didn't mean Joe couldn't still make it work, with Kevin's help.

Nick caught her in the mirror and frowned. "Joe, I know what you're thinking. Don't even try and move the stuff in here anyway. I'll find out."

"Find out what?"

Nick's head shot around to the window and her frown turned into a thunderous expression. "What are you doing here?"

Dropping her books onto the floor, Kevin's face broke out into a grin. "Zac!"

Zac propped his arms in the windowsill and looked at Joe and Nick from over the top of his sunglasses. "Ladies." He turned his smile on Kevin and it was a little bashful and proud. "Kevin."

Kevin blushed but looked pleased. She swooped over to the window and planted a kiss on Zac's mouth, brazen in a way she'd never been before.

"Come on, Nick, time to go." Joe curled a hand around Nick's elbow and started to pull her from the room.

"Joe," Nick frowned and looked back at Zac, expression threatening bodily harm if he upset Kevin in any way and Joe rolled her eyes.

"Don't 'Joe' me. They have talking to do, obviously."

Nick relented a fraction, allowing Joe to lead her into the hall and close the door between them and Zac. "It's not talking that I have a problem with," she groused.

Kevin smiled at the ribbon in her hand and walked over to the mirror. "It's beautiful, Zac."

Zac bought her gifts all the time and they made her feel special, as if someone cared about her. Not that Joe and Nick didn't care because they did, but they were Kevin's sisters and they were supposed to care about her. Zac was somebody else - somebody every one wanted and that Kevin had. By some stroke of insane, wonderful luck, Zac had fallen into her lap and actually wanted her and Kevin couldn't remember ever being so happy.

"Here," Zac said, coming up behind her and pulling the ribbon out of her hand. He brushed her hair back from her neck and slipped the ribbon up and over, tying it at the top in a little bow. She blushed at his expression, happy and amazed. "Beautiful."

Kevin turned around, letting Zac pull her into his arms and kiss her again. She loved his kisses, tentative and soft as if they were both scared but determined to make this everything.

Zac lay next to her on the bed, tucking her body around him and stroking her hair. She liked it when they were like this. When he would kiss her cheek and neck and lips and whisper sweet words in her ear. He'd kiss just below her temple and stroke her shoulder and call her, "Paula."

She smiled into his neck and felt as if nothing could bring her down. "I love you," she said, softly.

There was no hesitation in Zac's reply. "I love you too."

Nick dropped her head back against the wall and balled her fists.

Joe stopped smiling and tilted her head, tucking her hands into her shorts. "Not jealous are you, Nicola?"

Nick bristled. She hated it when Joe called her by her full name. She wasn't jealous of Kevin. She just wanted to protect her because Zac was from the boys Comp and everyone knew the reputation of that school and the many girls who had been taken in by Zac's roguish charm. "I'm not jealous. I just care about Kevin!"

"She's happy," Joe pointed out. "Why doesn't that matter enough to let it drop?"

"Because we don't know anything about Zac. We don't know what he wants and why he's chosen Kevin. You've heard about his reputation, Joe-"

"Like yours?" Joe interjected.

"That's different," Nick said, forceful. She didn't want to back down from this. Having a reputation as a bitch both on and off the pitch was not akin to having the reputation like Zac's. "I'm just looking out for Kevin. I've seen her heart broken before, Joe, and I don't want to have to pick up the pieces again."

Smiling, Joe's face softened and she nodded her head in the direction of Kevin's door. "She wants this. She's happy and she's not worrying about not having any friends or school work or when Dad's finally going to call. She loves Zac, Nick, and the least we can do is be happy for her."

"I am happy," Nick muttered, looking down at the floor.

Joe sighed, pulling her hands from her pockets and reaching for Nick. For a minute she didn't think Nick would take the hint, but there was only a seconds hesitation before Nick stepped forward and let Joe hold her. Kissing the top of her head, Joe pressed their bodies closer, feeling Nick tense in her embrace. It wasn't long before her sister was pliant in her arms, melting against Joe as if this was what she had wanted all along. Her face pushed into Joe's neck, Nick sighed softly and the breath ghosting across her neck made Joe shiver.

"Why would I be jealous when I have you?" Nick closed her eyes and wished that she could take back the words. She was torn between wanting this, having Joe in her arms and kissing her on the mouth but it was a dangerous thing to want, a dangerous thing to ask for. It scared her because she knew exactly what Joe was like with girls she claimed to like and Nick didn't want to be another passing fancy. She wanted to matter, to be the one thing in Joe's life that she couldn't live without.

"I love you," Joe said, threading her fingers into the soft curls poking out of the side of Nick's beret.

"I know." Nick loved to hear the words said, loved to know they were meant and pulled away just a fraction. "I love you too."

They were a hairs breadth apart and if the school hadn't been so busy now, Nick might have leant forward and pushed their lips together. She wasn't afraid to do that, not if they'd had privacy, but it was too dangerous and she didn't know how Joe would take it - what it would do to them. She needed assurance before she would make any sort of move. It was just common sense and that was something, her father always said, she had plenty of.

They stayed that way, pressed close together, until the talking in Kevin's dorm room died down.

When they pushed open the door, Zac was already outside, leaning back through the window with one hand on the back of Kevin's neck. They were kissing, soft and hesitant, knowing it would be the last for a little while. Nick watched them silently, something still settling unhappy in the pit of her stomach but Zac made Kevin happy and Joe was right - she had to let Kevin see this through because Kevin was still older than the both of them and she would make her own mistakes. Nick didn't want Zac to be a mistake.

Joe cleared her throat pointedly and raised an eyebrow. "Tutors are in a meeting," she added, helpfully. "You'll have about ten minutes to get off of the school grounds."

Zac pulled away from Kevin, winking at Joe. "Thanks for the heads up."

"Anytime."

Zac tossed them a salute and with one last kiss blown in Kevin's direction, he jumped down onto the grass outside, disappearing across the freshly mowed lawn.

"Had your five minutes of love?" Joe asked, grinning.

Kevin blushed, fiddling with the ribbon in her hair - new - and Joe latched onto that.

"He's bringing you gifts!" She crowed, clapping her hands in glee and Kevin couldn't help but grin in return.

Nick watched the back and forth between them, Kevin's bashful delight and Joe's fond mocking and let her gaze stay on Joe's face. She smiled, happy in a way she hadn't been for a long time.

Her shoulder tingled where Joe's arm had been draped across it.

.the end

Admin: Healing challenge over

thisissirius@livejournal.com — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 00:20:13 GMT

It's time to patch things up an move forward. The healing challenge is over! You can find previous entries via the healing challenge tag or the memories.

Next challenge asap.

[merlin] CHILDREN IN NEED 2009 OMG

thisissirius@livejournal.com — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 19:49:43 GMT

feilongfan IS AMAZING. SAY THANK YOU

THE CAST OF MERLIN ON CHILDREN IN NEED

these are the only parts colin is in :)

Current files: [.flv & .avi & .MP4]

[download VLC player to play .flv files.]

Cast of Merlin on Children In Need (2009) [.flv] (box.net)

Cast of Merlin on Children In Need (2009) [.avi] (box.net)

Cast of Merlin on Children In Need (2009) [.mp4] (box.net)

NOTE ABOUT MY FOISTING: This post is unlocked for a LIMITED TIME. If you want it, download ASAP or ASK ME.

FEEL FREE TO LINK BACK HERE FROM YOUR JOURNALS SO THAT PEOPLE CAN DOWNLOAD IT :D

Enjoy ♥!

(You don't have to download but it would be nice to know if you like it. COMMENT HERE WITH YOUR MERLIN CIN!LOVE :D

YOU WERE CC'D ON THE E-MAIL. LOL FOREVER.

I'm sure plenty of us had DIRTY THOUGHTS when Merlin blocked Arthur ;)

[yuletide]

thisissirius@livejournal.com — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 20:20:43 GMT

Hi, HI to you!

First of all, I would like to THANK YOU for taking part and making me so happy to recieve FIC :D

Please don't take all of these things I say and WORRY about what you're writing because that is NOT what I want. I don't want you to stress out and be all weird about it because I will LOVE whatever you create. TRUST ME!

First off have some general things and then I will add FANDOM SPECIFICS :D

general;

first off you should know that i am not a HUGE FAN of porn. i read it, don't get me wrong, but for ME it's far more intimate to kiss and cuddle and to reveal your EMOTIONS rather than your naked body. SORRY IF YOU HAVE ALREADY STARTED WRITING PORN, FEEL FREE TO CONTINUE. I like ANGST which, if you have read anything of mine, you will probably already know. I like domestic and silly stuff, picking out of CURTAINS and KISSING and being ridiculous. I like to THINK and I like to FEEL and i like to go OMG JDHAJKFA at the end which I am sure I will be doing ANYWAY.

i'm not a huge fan of first-person pov if you don't have to. i don't like character death (or, i it's not particular something that i want for THESE requests ;)). i don't like character bashing or REALLY kinky stuff/bdsm. no non-con or dub-con, please.

one thing you should note: i am not squicked by incest. that you could probably have guessed from my JONAS request but i thought i would put it out there ;)

SORRY IF YOU HAVE INCLUDED ANY OF THIS. my sincerest apologies!

fandom specifics!

RPF - Disney
David Henrie/Demi Lovato/Joe Jonas/Nick Jonas

[Any combination thereof but I am also partial to Joe/Nick; it definitely does _not squick me, however it might squick YOU so I am generally EASY.]

OKAY. SO DISNEY RPF. I am actually the BIGGEST FAN EVER of Joe/Nick, which you can probably guess from a quick peruse of my journal. The thing I love best about them, though, is that they are BROTHERS. I love the foursome of Joe and Nick and Demi and David but that doesn't necessarily mean I love them AS a foursome. I love the Demi-Joe and David-Nick dynamics and I will love you FOREVER if there was a bit of NIck/David with JOE being left out and feeling it. Demi being fabulous, please, because she IS and she is strong and she isn't going to take anything from these three boys.

ALSO THE MUSIC. Please don't forget about the MUSIC because it is why I love them the most; three of them ARE music and the fourth plays the guitar so PLEASE? *bats eyelashes*

Other than that, I don't really CARE what happens. I LOVE AU'S, if that helps? I don't know - I LOVE ANYTHING WITH THEM IN IT but if you could try and keep a bit of the Joe/Nick dynamic in there I would be ETERNALLY GRATEFUL because they are my favourites :>

(if you want to know some of the stuff i love reading best in the world about these boys, then please see the CHEERLEADER!VERSE by smallacts (and blackwayfarers) and also everything else by blackwayfarers ever. EVER EVER EVER.

RPF - Merlin
Bradley James/Colin Morgan

[i love DOMESTIC stuff where Bradley is a little bit clueless. PUPPIES. If you have PUPPIES in there I will love you FOREVER.]

LIKE I SAID, I love domestic stuff. PUPPIES. I love the boys with PUPPIES becaue I am that kind of girl!

(If you wanna toss a bit of KATIE AWESOME, (even if it's OFF SCREEN) i would not be averse!)

JONAS
Joe Lucas/Kevin Lucas/Nick Lucas

[I love BROTHER STUFF. A little bit of Kevin/Nick wouldn't hurt but MOSTLY brother stuff.]

I love them being RIDICULOUS brothers. I love Kevin being ridiculous and Nick being a DOUCHE and, of course, Joe being ridiculously AMAZING. I honestly don't even CARE what happens in the fic as long as you have them being brothers. HOWEVER. I love the Nick/Kevin vibes they sometimes give off and I love the Nick/Joe, obviously, but you don't have to do that if you don't want to ;)

RPF - Merlin
Angel Coulby/Bradley James/Colin Morgan/Katie McGrath

[ROAD TRIP. Or something. Across FRANCE.]

I KNOW, I KNOW ANOTHER RPF MERLIN THING.

This time it's FOURSOME :D

If you can't do FRANCE, then just a random ENGLAND ROAD TRIP would work as well! Colin/Bradley and Katie/Angel if that is OKAY because those are my favourite pairings. I like a bit of Katie ribbing Bradley and of Colin being silently awesome.

SUITABLE ROAD!TRIP SCENARIOS; sleepy!colin and bradley being affectionate OR SOMETHING, car!sickness (which i love, for some reason). eating at ROADSIDE CAFE's and restaurants. stopping at various ENGLAND attractions. these are just things I WOULD LIKE but not necessarily things i need. WHATEVER.

[jonas brothers] spare concert tickets

thisissirius@livejournal.com — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 10:09:55 GMT

I don't suppose any of you guys know anyone who might want tickets to the Jonas Brothers concert in Manchester this Sunday, do you?

J and I can't go now, and I don't want then to go to waste if I can offer them to someone.

They're not the best seats in the world (block 215, row q - would post a picture of the layout if I wasn't in my iPhone).

Just wondering if anyone wants them.

[fic] merlin } [merlin/arthur. coda to sins of the father]

thisissirius@livejournal.com — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 01:25:07 GMT

.i can see us dying (are we)
[merlin/arthur. pg. 817 words. coda to sins of the father.]
Merlin will admit that he is magic and that he lied and that he is sorry.
notes; one of two fics i have for this episode. this is short and - i'm not sure how i feel about arthur here. it's the first time i've attempted anything from his point of view, mostly because i have always been uncomfortable getting inside his head. i hope it works!

.i can see us dying (are we)

Arthur knows Merlin is magic. Arthur knows and he has not said and it is for this very reason that it takes him so long to believe that Merlin would not want him to do this.

"After everything he has done, you believe he deserves to live?" Arthur doesn't look over, but he wants more than anything to see the expression on Merlin's face. His fa- Uther has killed Merlin's kind, over and over. He has betrayed the people who are everything Merlin is; magic, ethereal, powerful. Uther has watched them burn and he has been a shadow over Merlin's shoulder the entire time he has lived in Camelot. Still Merlin would spare his life. He wonders if this makes Merlin a better man than he and he pushes the sword against Uther's shoulder again, just to see the flinch.

"You have caused so much suffering and pain," he says, looking down at the man who calls himself King. He wants to throw Merlin's suffering and pain in his face, wants Uther to know that Arthur's servant, his friend and confidant, has been hurting because the King of Camelot is a coward and a hypocrite. He has used the very thing that he despises and rather than take the blame for his actions, he issued a decree against the use of magic. It disgusts Arthur to think that he ever cared what this man thought.

"Morgause, is LYING."

Arthur freezes because that can't be true. Merlin was there - he saw.

"She's an enchantress."

Torn between Merlin's words and his own memory of his mother, her words, Arthur flexes his hand around the sword and thinks please.

"That was not your mother you saw. That was an illusion."

Because Merlin would know. Merlin knows magic because he is magic. But-

"Everythi-"

Merlin's voice breaks and Arthur wonders why. He sounds broken, torn and it is just another ache to Arthur's heart.

"Everything your mother said to you. Those were Morgause's words."

"You don't know that!" Arthur shouts, because he has to believe that that was his mother. He has to believe that he saw her - that she was real. He does not think he can handle that she was not.

Merlin pleads with him again, something about destroying the kingdom but Arthur does not hear the words. He hears the tone of Merlin's voice, the desperation that Arthur not do this and he wonders why. He wonders why Merlin wants Uther to live; a man who has done nothing but hurt people for as long as Arthur can remember.

His anger flares once more when his father speaks and he realises that he needs to know; he needs to know if his father has done this despicable act and if Merlin is lying - Merlin shouldn't be able to lie to him.

"Swear to me, it isn't true. You are not responsible for my mother's death; SWEAR TO ME."

Uther swears but it is not to that which Arthur asks of him and Arthur breaks, then, because he knows that it is true. That his father has betrayed him, broken him and that Merlin has lied to protect him. Merlin, who always lies to protect him.

Arthur drops his sword and drops to his knees, allowing his father to touch him. Everything is broken, everything is wrong.

"My son. You mean the world to me."

It is another lie, Arthur suspects, and he wonders if his father even knows what the truth is anymore.

He whispers, "I'm sorry," against the wood of the chair but his words are not for Uther. His words are for his friend, loyal Merlin who has lied in the face of his freedom because he wants Arthur to be the best man he can be; wants him to be a man free from the guilt of taking his father's life.

He does not know what this means for them, not anymore.

Later, he tells Merlin that all magic is evil and that Merlin helped him come to that conclusion. He doesn't know why; he's never been this vindictive before, not on purpose. He thinks it is punishment for Merlin lying to him. He thinks it is a way to distance himself from his servant, because he knows what they have is wrong and that he shouldn't trust Merlin this implicitly. He thinks it is a test.

Merlin will look at him and confess. Merlin will admit that he is magic and that he lied and that he is sorry.

Instead, Merlin grins and says glad I could help and Arthur feels disappointment burst in his chest. Has he not proven that he can be trusted? Has he not shared his secrets - his mother - with Merlin?

I would give you everything, he wants to say.

Would you give me everything?

.the end

[recaps] MERLIN; episode eight

thisissirius@livejournal.com — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 23:45:27 GMT

MERLIN
2x08: the sins of the father

OMFG!?
the best of the best of the BEST

obviously howard overman wrote this episode which meant that it was GOING to be awesome. for those of you who DON'T KNOW, howard wrote labyrinth of gedref. WE WERE ALWAYS GOING TO GET AMAZING BOY!SCENES :D

anyway. THIS WHOLE EPISODE. i am STILL all over the place and I just don't know what to do with myself! FLUTTERING. i cried. i laughed! i was shocked and sad and outraged. this was AMAZING. i don't know. AMAZING.

merlin/arthur is FOREVER, not just for ONE SEASON
incharacter or out of it

they were AMAZING. i don't know, it was just goddamed amazing. from the campfire scene to the ROPE SCENE to arthur listening to merlin and ONLY merlin when he is on the verge of killing his father. i like that merlin has this much power over arthur. i love that they are trying to find their feet in a world that would - and does - look down on their friendship. i love that merlin gives away everything he has - everything he is - because he wants arthur to be the best person he can be. i love that he would sacrifice it all for arthur to be a good man and a good king.

it makes for AMAZING tv but it also makes for broken hearts. that merlin is doing this for arthur - the magic and the sacrifices and the hurt - and arthur oblivious to everything is painful. GOD. way to break me, GUYS.

the Seer
Morgana watch

DREAMS. and we find out that MORGAUSE is magic too. OOOOOH. foreshadowing. AND THE BRACLET. i forsee it popping it UP more. heee.

THIS WAS AMAZING, OKAY
(\0/)

i'm going to forgo this part this week because i think i have made my thoughts on this episode MORE than clear. some things i desperately feel that need pointing out once again;

+ merlin shooting himself in the foot
+ uther's carefully constructed foundations beginning to crumble around him
+ everything arthur did this episode. at all.
+ morgause
+ morgana's smile when she realises her dreams may have been stopped - or at least stilled a little
+ arthur's smile when he sees the rope around merlin's waist
+ gaius' secrets
+ merlin being the most loyal person arthur will ever have
+ gwen's joy for morgana
+ sir leon!
+ ygraine ♥
+ the final scene between merlin and arthur

i call shenanigans!
what was not so good

i wanted more anger on merlin's part for the secret but that's about it. and more gwen. even if it was just a little more. i am wholly satisfied with this!

the art of behaviour
the character breakdown

uther; where to start? i like that we're seeing the man beneath the crown and all of these mistakes he has made are coming back to bite him in the arse. i loved his worry over what morgause could tell arthur about ygraine and his refusal to admit to his mistakes was very in character and very well played out. i loved the fight scene with arthur and how he refused to fight at first, even after what must have been the shock of arthur attacking him. then the last, having his whole life rest on the words of a servant. arthur's loyal, brave servant but a servant none the less. and the kiss to the top of the head; lying through his teeth. i find it interesting that he swears on his life that he loves arthur's mother. he doesn't actually SAY that he didn't do it. he merely says that he would never hurt her but he had no idea that he WAS hurting her when he asked nimueh to help. he thought he would have them both. i have no doubt in my mind that he would NEVER take arthur over ygraine and he proved this in excalibur. i LOVED, LOVED the last scene between merlin and uther. anybody that knows me knows thay my favourite episode is excalibur (obviously not anymore) and my favourite scene from that episode is the one between merlin and uther. i liked that uther KNOWS how much merlin means to arthur and vice versa. and that merlin's loyalty is ridiculous in its intensity. he knows that the one person who will always be there is merlin. the last, about being hanged, was well delivered. it reminds me of the scene between merlin and arthur by the lake in lancelot and guinevere.

gaius; i love these little snippets we get of gaius' connection to the magical world and the things he hides from uther. he smuggled morgause out. it makes me wonder if he feels a little guilty for morgana and if she would ever feel resentment if she found out; it could easily have been the other way around, with morgause growing up under uther's tyranny and morgana trained in the art of the old religion. he lied to merlin, though, and it puts me out a little that it was glazed over so quickly; gaius rarely, if ever, lies to merlin and this was quite a big thing.

morgana; i liked the scenes that we got with her. her confusion over where she knows morgause from. the bracelet was nicely done and i loved that katie was so good at portraying morgana's delight at having a full nights sleep. i want her to find out about morgause and i want the fall out from eveything that has gone before. she has been lied to for so long by gaius, the one person she trusts to help her, and it's going to HURT when things finally fall into place.

gwen; we didn't get to see much of her which is SAD but what we did see - HER SMILING AT MORGANA IN THAT WAY. djskajdk i love my gwen/morgana.

morgause; she's an interesting character and i like her a lot! i love how she manipulated everyone around her into doing the things she wanted from them and how the cruz of her actions was to have arthur kill uther. i would love to see a smack down with merlin. i have a feeling she would be more than a match. i also love her reactions to morgana; sort of reminiscent of an older sister. i wonder which is the younger?

ygraine; because that was ygraine. i don't doubt it for a second. i LOVED HER. i just, i don't know she was so PROUD and you could see it in her face and her RELUCTANCE was genuine when compared to morgause's. i would love to see her pop up again, somehow, just for that - god, to see her and her SON. merlin can make it happen.

sir leon; i love him LETTING MERLIN IN. and him being all OMG WE MUST SEARCH DKSJAKLDJ.

merlin; god. merlin. merlin. of course i loved merlin magicking the rope into his trousers and then the way he reveals it. i love him DROPPING ARTHUR OUT OF THE WINDOW and their ride to morgause. the horse jokes and the FIGHT with magic and fire and arthur being all put out that merlin wasn't helping. and i LOVE the conversation by the fire. merlin revealing that he has one clear memory of his father, even if he doesn't know if it is genuine. his surprise at hearing arthur talk of his mother and the fact that morgause KNOWS his mother. i also love the scene with ygraine and the TEARS in his eyes. i loved his anger at gaius, even if it was only there for a moment and the way he looks on uther and KNOWS, knows what he has just done and that everyone is being nice to him, just for a little while. BUT BUT. then we have THE SCENE. the scene where merlin shoots himself in the foot.

his breath hitching on everything. lying to arthur because he can't see arthur become that person, a person who would kill his own father and be unable to live with the guilt - which is something i truly believe. the want to kill uther but knowing that it can't happen. condemning himself with his own words because arthur needs him, because he has to convince arthur that this is not something he wants to do.

merlin, giving up everything once again when he is on the brink of having something he has been striving for since the beginning; arthur's approval of magic and the SLIM CHANCE that arthur would not have him executed because of who he is. giving it up because of arthur. for arthur. because arthur is important and how arthur sees himself is important.

even from a non-shippers point of view, what merlin did there was amazing. that he would sacrifice everything for arthur has never been in dispute and never more evident than with those words. arthur will never have someone as loyal to him as merlin. and he doesn't even know it.

arthur; GOD. bradley knocked it out of the park this week. from arthur convincing himself that he would have won; he was just going easy on morgause to falling in horse shit. that whole scene was hilarious. his GRIN when he sees the rope and then don't let go of the rope. HIS INTEREST at morgause being piqued when she mentions ygraine. the whole trip and PROTECTING MERLIN because that's totally what he was doing, and then making a jibe at merlin because it's just what he does; when things get too comfortable between them he takes it out on merlin because he shouldn't want this, this friendship. the talk around the campfire; revealing information about ygraine. i could never see this scene with gwen in merlin's place and i like that. i like that merlin gets this side of arthur and it's something gwen will have to strive for. it's taken merlin a year and a half to get this much of arthur and i want to see gwen have to work for it. his utter CONFIDENCE that morgause would not kill him when he put his head on the block, even when he couldn't have been sure. his word is very important to him and honour is very high. i like that his balance between honour and pride is levelling out and that he knows the difference. the scene with ygraine was AMAZING and arthur's pure WANT to have his mother and his expression when she leaves; ignoring merlin's offer of comfort and choosing to ride back and confront his father. WHICH. god, that was amazing. his utter CONVICTION that every magic user has been wronged and attacking his father. HYPOCRITE AND A LIAR.

the scene by the chair - that was so amazing. the raw power and HURT in arthur's face and words; how he is one step away from killing his father and it is MERLIN he listens to, MERLIN who talks him down. i think it's important to note just how much arthur has come to rely on merlin and need him. i just - i loved that scene. and arthur's deference when he drops to his knees and lets his father hold him. such a powerful scene and utterly heartbreaking.

then the final scene with merlin; cutting off merlin's one last chance to have what he wants, but only because of merlin's own words. they carry a weight with arthur and it will be interesting to see. arthur will never trust merlin again after this and if he does, it's going to take a LONG TIME for him to rebuild it.

what a mess.

when he looked good
the sexy studmuffin of the episode

i don't usually say this because i do not find bradley attractive at all;

ARTHUR. he was making me HOT today and I just - yes please. however, only in this scene:

she rules alone.
the bitch in charge this week

definitely morgause. she was rocking that fight scene and the way she manipulated everybody into her plan. i like her as the new 'nimueh' as it were. i want to see more of her and morgana!

my ship comes sailing
the romance that catches my breath

arthur/merlin. without a doubt. for my reasons you only have to read this ENTIRE RECAP. i list them all somewhere. everywhere. god.

the spoken word
quote of the week

arthur; surely not everyone that practices magic can be evil

(only to have it snatched away)

graffiti
pic of the week

i am left with this;
the questions on my lips, now

will anything that happened between merlin and arthur be swept under the carpet? just how will arthur ever trust merlin again.

Overall

THANK YOU, HOWARD.

thisissirius@livejournal.com — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 21:15:57 GMT

WTF.

I AM DOWNLOADING THE SAME FILE AS EVERYBODY ELSE. AND IT IS NOT WORKING.

FFS. I HAVE DOWNLOADED THREE SEPERATE TIMES AND IT'S ALL THE SAME FILE AND JUST - FUCK.

thisissirius@livejournal.com — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 12:08:40 GMT

MERLIN SEASON TWO: EPISODE EIGHT: SPAM!FEST

WELCOME TO THE LATEST EPISODE SPAM!FEST HOSTED BY MYSELF AND myfoolisheart. BECAUSE EVERY WEEK IS SQUEE WORTHY!!!

TIME TO BRING THE EPISODE IN WITH FEST!MADNESS!!!!

YOU ALL KNOW THE DRILL BY NOW BUT AS A REMINDER:

+ POST LOTS OF PICTURES. PRETTY PEOPLE ARE FUN TO LOOK AT! PICSPAMMING IS GREATLY ENCOURAGED!
+ ANIMATIONS MAKE MY LIFE A HAPPIER PLACE.
+ THE CAST ARE AWESOME, LET'S SHOW THEM SOME LOVE.
+ COMMENT!FIC!!!!!! IT IS MY LIFE. POST FIC-PROMPTS AND SEE IF ANYONE WILL WRITE YOU FIC!
+ CAPSLOCK AND BIG FONT LOVE WILL NOT BE FROWNED UPON IN THIS POST JSYK!
+ SQUEE!!!!!!!!!!! IT IS THE MAIN POINT OF THIS POST AFTER ALL!!
+ DISCUSS THE AWESOME OF THE EPISODE AS IT AIRS AND AFTER!

AND HAVE FUN!

[fic] and you ignore my advances [merlin/arthur. hard r, pharmacy!au]

thisissirius@livejournal.com — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 19:03:21 GMT

.and you ignore my advances
[pharmacy!au. merlin/arthur. hard r. 560 words.]
Even through the paper bag Merlin could feel the glare Arthur was sending his way.
notes; because myfoolisheart would love a fic of mine even if i wrote arthur with a paper bag on his head. so. this is arthur with a paper bag on his head.]

"... What are you doing?"

Merlin peered around the aisle and wondered if he was still asleep behind the prescriptions counter. It was the only thing that would explain why Arthur was hiding in the photographic section with a paper bag over his head.

"You know you can suffocate under that, right?"

It was a testament to how crazy Merlin's life had become that the first thing out of his mouth was worry for Arthur's life and not the reason for why Arthur was wearing a paper bag in the first place.

"Has he gone?" Arthur said. It was muffled by the paper bag so what Merlin actually heard was, "hdshajkd," but he knew well enough by know who Arthur was (attempting to) talk about.

He thought about lying and telling Arthur that SD was still stalking the aisles, looking for one of them so that he cold wax lyrical about their 'destiny'. Merlin thought that someone who spent that much time trying to convince Arthur that he should strip Merlin naked and make out with him in store cupboards was insane and also vaguely creepy. It didn't help that Arthur seemed to take his words to heart - until he'd informed Arthur in rather graphic detail about the time he'd been trapped with Merlin in the store cupboard.

Since then, Arthur had taken to hiding whenever SD came in and Merlin was forced to stand there, a smile pasted on his face and listen to how his destiny - and his body - were entwined with Arthur's.

"You realise that a paper bag doesn't change the fact that you're still Arthur, right?"

Even through the paper bag Merlin could feel the glare Arthur was sending his way.

"No," he said at last, crossing his arms.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Arthur pulled the bag off of his head. Merlin let out a soft sound at the sight of Arthur, his hair ruffled and eyes wide, grinning like a fool. All thoughts of being mad faded beneath an insatiable need to kiss that stupid smirk off of his face. Dammit.

Striding forward, Merlin savoured the five second flash of apprehension in Arthur's eyes before he curled his hands around Arthur's shirt and yanked him forwards, kissing him tightly. They kissed the same way they lived; fighting and taking, giving and wanting. Arthur forced Merlin backwards, pressing him against the shelves of camera's, films and batteries. He grunted into Arthur's mouth and felt hands tight on his hips, grinding.

"Arthur," Merlin groaned. He let out a strangled moan. "Not in the shop. There are customers."

Arthur pulled away with a glare, but his eyes were still blown and his hips were still pressed uncomfortably tight against Merlin's. "Merlin."

Merlin ducked his head away from another potential kiss and tweaked Arthur's nipple hard in protest. "Later," he promised.

"I hate it when you cocktease."

Merlin wanted to point out that Arthur had started the grinding and grunting but knew it would be useless. "Spend the last hour thinking about me sucking your cock, then, but it's not going to happen until we get home."

He disentangled himself from Arthur and strode back towards the front of the store, leaving both Arthur and a startled Mrs. Reynolds - an unwitting recipient of his last statement - sputtering in the aisle.

.the end

[fic] merlin } throwing punchlines; no one wins } merlin/arthur, gwen/morgana } adult } band!a

thisissirius@livejournal.com — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 02:21:33 GMT

.throwing punchlines; no one wins
[merlin/arthur. morgana/gwen. hard r. 554 words. part of my band!au]
“How did I end up the designated driver?” Arthur whined.

(.throwing punchlines, no one wins)

[events] christmas! holiday CARDS!

thisissirius@livejournal.com — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 18:14:16 GMT

holiday cards!

eta; I FORGOT NARNIA/NARNIA RPF. if you WANT THAT TOO please leave a COMMENT with narnia/narnia rpf, the PAIRING or GEN and a PROMPT. thank you!

eta; i will send cards to ANYWHERE. antartica? FINE. america? FINE. a tiny island in the middle of the OCEAN? FINE. narnia? FINE. camelot? FINE. ANYWHERE, PEOPLE.

eta; wickednotevil reminded me that SOME OF YOU will be at the merlin meet in december. if you are and you want a card could you let me know in the comments? it will save me postage :D

View Poll: time for holiday cards!

[fic] merlin } i hear what you're not saying [merlin/arthur, coda to 2x07]

thisissirius@livejournal.com — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 23:29:25 GMT

.i hear what you're not saying
[merlin/arthur. pg. 1463 words. coda to the witch finder.]
"You don't have to do that," he said. "You're the Prince, not a servant."
notes; thanks to cs_whitewolf and myfoolisheart for looking this over for me. you guys are awesome!

.i hear what you're not saying

Merlin put down the testing tubes and ran a hand over his eyes.

Gaius' rooms were in ruin and it was all his fault. He'd been told time and time again to keep his magic secret, to be careful when using it and the one time - the one time - he'd let his guard down and used it, Gaius was being accused of sorcery and facing torture at the hands of a Witch finder. Merlin knew he should be the one in that dungeon but he was being protected. Again.

"Merlin?"

Merlin looked up from tidying the work table. Arthur was standing in the doorway, looking guilty as he surveyed the damage done. When he raised his head, Merlin held his gaze and nodded tightly. He didn't think it would matter to Arthur whether he wanted him to come in or not, but sometimes it was nice to think his opinion mattered, even just a little bit. Arthur walked towards him, picking his way through the debris on the floor and the guilt on his face blossomed into something else, something desperate and Merlin frowned. It wasn't as if he could control the actions of Aeridian or stop his Knights from following orders.

Merlin rounded the table and bent to pick up Gaius' papers, smoothing them into a pile and lifting them up, suddenly at a loss with what to do with them. "I don't even know if I should-"

Arthur looked at him sharply. "He hasn't confessed, Merlin. Gaius is not a sorcerer."

I know that. Merlin swallowed around the lump in his throat and put the papers on top of the table, amongst the debris and broken bottles. "I meant about tidying up. I don't know where things go or what I should be doing with them or-"

"Merlin," Arthur said sharply, closing the distance between them and grasping Merlin's elbow tightly. "Just tidy up. The rest will come later."

It was a promise he had no right to make, Merlin thought. It was a promise because Arthur had learned to choose his words carefully around Merlin. When he made a mistake, said something he didn't mean to, he learned not to do it again.

"Okay," Merlin said, and waited for Arthur to drop his arm before moving back to the table.

When Arthur picked up a broom, Merlin raised an eyebrow and stopped working. "Arthur-"

Not bothering to acknowledge Merlin, Arthur started to sweep up some of the glass on the floor and Merlin moved forward, taking a hold of the handle and meeting Arthur's eyes.

"You don't have to do that," he said. "You're the Prince, not a servant."

Arthur frowned and looked pointedly around the room. "They shouldn't have done this."

"I know. I also know that they were just doing their job." He pulled the broom away and waited for Arthur to take a step back before sweeping up the glass himself. Arthur looked petulant and picked at the items on the table, separating the fixed from the broken and Merlin was torn between fondness and exasperation. He watched Arthur work, a tightness to his face that he didn't see disappearing for a while. "Like you."

Arthur didn't look up but he started to blush, the back of his neck colouring under the words. At least, Merlin thought it was embarrassment. It was getting harder to tell the difference between that and anger.

"He's still Gaius," Arthur said, hotly.

I'm still Merlin. Merlin didn't say it aloud. And I'm still a sorcerer.

He didn't know if Arthur was ready to hear that yet. Not now.

They worked in silence; Merlin realizing that the more he badgered Arthur, the more Arthur ignored him and did more just to spite him.

It didn't take long, though, and Merlin was ashamed to say he'd been counting. Arthur had been moving things from table to table, not really helping but not willing to admit defeat either and it was only when he got to the chair that things shifted and Merlin could breath again. Arthur picked up the legs of the broken chair, collecting all the pieces together and looking down, as if unsure about what he was supposed to do with them. Merlin swallowed thickly and crossed the room, hesitating only a second before curling his fingers around the legs of the chair, fingers brushing Arthur's. "Arthur. Let go."

Arthur didn't seem to hear him but he allowed Merlin to take the pieces and put them back on the table.

"Just go."

When Arthur looked up this time, he met Merlin's eyes easily. "I'm just trying to-"

"I know," Merlin pressed, dropping Arthur's hands. "I get it, I do, but this isn't helping, Arthur. You have no clue what you're doing and you're making it worse."

"I don't want you to have to do this on your own," Arthur snapped, anger flaring in his eyes and this is the Arthur that Merlin is used to dealing with.

"Then get Gwen or someone else but I don't need you right now."

Before Arthur could object, Merlin put a hand to Arthur's chest; realising Arthur had every right to punch him for this infraction alone. He couldn't help it, couldn't force himself not to touch, to leave well enough alone. He was breaking apart on the inside and being angry at Arthur - having Arthur angry at him - was the one thing keeping him from flaying into a million pieces. "I'll need you later."

He didn't ask if that was okay. He didn't ask if Arthur would still be there then, be what he needed him to be, but he didn't have to. Arthur was searching his face for something that he seemed to find because he nodded tightly, curling his fingers around Merlin's wrist. He didn't say anything and the two of them stood there like that for a long time.

Eventually the silence and tension between them was too much and Arthur pulled his hand away, waited for Merlin to drop his. Instead, Merlin's fingers clenched in the fabric between them and pulled Arthur forward. He'd never done this before - never initiated anything because Arthur made the rules, he decided what they did and when and for how long. This, though, this was what Merlin needed. Their noses bumped with the force of his pull and when he turned, just for a moment, he could feel Arthur's breath hot against his cheek.

"Please," he said. He didn't know what he was asking for.

Arthur's face flickered through a hundred different emotions and then he brought his free hand up to Merlin's chest, threaded his fingers in the hair behind Merlin's ear. There was a beat, two and then Arthur closed that small distance between them, pressing his lips to Merlin's, all hot and desperate want. They fit together like they were supposed to, like they had all along and Merlin couldn't help but kiss back, force Arthur's mouth open so that he could lick inside, tasting everything that was Arthur and more. They kissed like they always did; desperate, hot, like they had only so much time and someone could walk in at any moment.

There was no fear of that this time, no fear that anyone would want to be seen in anywhere near the home of a sorcerer and it made Merlin's heart clench painfully. He pulled away from Arthur just a little and felt Arthur chase him with small kisses, his fingers tight against the side of Merlin's head.

"Sorry," Merlin said, without knowing why. "I can save Gaius."

"We're not talking about this now," Arthur said and finally pulled away.

"I can save him," Merlin insisted. "I just need-"

"Merlin," Arthur said, forcefully. "If you get involved you'll only make things worse. Gaius hasn't confessed yet and he won't - I know him, you know him. It's stupid to think of a plan when you don't need one and when one would get you killed."

His eyes were hard and angry but Merlin couldn't stop his mouth. He needed Gaius around and wanted to save him, wanted to stop Aeridian from forcing a confession out of his mentor. Arthur couldn't understand that and it hurt that he wasn't even trying.

"Okay," he said, knowing that Arthur would read through his tone.

"Don't do anything stupid." Arthur still didn't move; seemed to be waiting for something.

"You know me," Merlin said, forcing a smile onto his face.

Arthur snorted but gave Merlin one last look before stalking from the room. Merlin could read his expression all too well and it was as if he had said the words aloud anyway.

That's what I'm afraid of.

.the end

[recaps] merlin 2x07: the witch finder

thisissirius@livejournal.com — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 21:00:50 GMT

MERLIN
2x:07 The Witch Finder

OMFG!?
the best of the best of the BEST

MERLIN GOING TO PUNCH ARTHUR WAS THE BEST THING EVER. MERLIN'S CONFIDENCE THAT HE CAN SAVE MERLIN. SEEING THE DRAGON. THE DRAGON'S VOICE WHEN HE EXPLAINS THAT HE CANNOT HELP.

merlin/arthur is FOREVER, not just for ONE SEASON
incharacter or out of it

we got some GOOD SCENES this week. nothing really AMAZING but we got FRIENDSHIP which i find more important anyway. i think the relationship is made all the stronger by the friendship underneath. i loved the way they behaved with each other and the TRUST AND LOYALTY that is so evident and how arthur's CONVINCED merlin isn't a sorcerer but there's this underlying fear that there's something merlin ISN'T TELLING HIM. oh god. kslajdkljakldj.i don't know, they are PERFECT.

the Seer
Morgana watch

WELL. obviously we had the witch finder PICKING UP ON SOMETHING but unfortunately it was not that SHE WAS A WITCH but that gaius was somehow manipulating her. on the other hand, we had morgana FEARING FOR HER SAFETY. so. MORGANA. i feel SO for her.

THIS WAS AMAZING, OKAY
(\0/)

+ MERLIN'S HAPPY FACE WHEN HE USES MAGIC.
+ ARTHUR'S LOLING WHEN THE WITCH FINDER IS ALL 'MERLIN'. HAHAHA.
+ MERLIN'S LITTLE 'WHAT, NOW?' HAHAHA.
+ THE CAGE. I DON'T KNOW, I FEEL LIKE HE IS TRYING TO BE THE CHILD CATCHER FROM CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG. WHERE ARE HIS MAGICAL-ATTRACTING LOLLIPOPS? HIS CANDY CANES OF MAGICAL SEDUCTION? IDEK.
+ GWEN BEING AMAZINGLY CONFIDENT BEHIND MORGANA
+ MERLIN BEING INTERROGATED. THE LOOK ON HIS FACE. THE FEAR THAT THIS MIGHT BE IT FOR HIM; I DONT KNOW, I JUST FEEL THE FEAR. WELL PLAYED, COLIN MORGAN, WELL PLAYED.
+ DESTROYING THE ROOMS AND WATCHING GAIUS' FACE JUST FALL.
+ WHEN MERLIN JUST SEES THE DEVESTATION OF THE ROOM AND HE JUST KNOWS WHAT HE HAS DONE; THIS IS ALL HIS FAULT.
+ ARTHUR REALISING THAT GAIUS USED TO PRACTICE MAGIC AND THAT UTHER KNEW. THIS DOES NOT BODE WELL FOR NEXT EPISODE!
+ THE INTERROGATION OF GAIUS. HOW HE DOES NOT RELENT. NOT THROUGH ANY OF IT.
+ WHEN HE REALISES HE HAS PUT MORGANA IN THE SPOTLIGHT. THAT LOOK. OH, GAIUS.
+ MERLIN - WHEN HE SEES GAIUS. OH MERLIN.
+ THE DRAGON. OH GOD THE DRAGON. HIS VOICE WHEN HE SAYS THAT HE IS SORRY AND THAT HE CANNOT HELP BECAUSE HE DOES NOT KNOW HOW. GOD GOD. THIS IS WHY HE IS MY FAVOURITE. THIS IS WHY!!!!
+ MORGANA'S FEAR. I JUST FEEL THERE SHOULD BE MORE BUT OH GOD.
+ GAIUS CONFESSING.
+ MERLIN STEPPING FORWARD AND JUST - THE FACT THAT ARTHUR IS UP ASAP BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHAT MERLIN IS GOING TO DO AND HE JUST NEEDS TO SAVE HIM FROM HIMSELF. GOD.
+ THE FORECFUL WAY HE JUST PULLS HIM FROM THE ROOM AND THEN GIVES HIM WHAT HE NEEDS. ACCEPTS THE PUNCH AND THEN TURNS IT INTO A CHANCE TO MEET GAIUS.
+ REALISING THAT GAIUS WILL NOT ACCEPT HIM STEPPING IN.
+ GWEN AND MERLIN BEING AMAZING. GWEN HELPING EVEN WHEN SHE DOES NOT MAYBE BELIEVE IT FULLY.
+ LOL MERLIN IS A CREEPER; ALWAYS CREEPING IN PEOPLES CHAMBERS AND LEAVING DOORS OPEN TO BE SEEN. HAHAHA.
+ LOL INTERROGATING THE BEAUTY PRODUCT!MAN. LOL AND THEIR CONFIDENT WAY THAT HE WILL HELP THEM, DAMMIT.
+ UTHER NOT BEING ABLE TO STAND AND WATCH THIS EXECUTION. i feel this would be a good time to point out that should merlin's magic now come to light uther could not force arthur to watch based on the fact that he could not watch gaius die.
+ ARTHUR BEING ALL 'SHOW SOME RESPECT'
+ ARTHUR STEPPING IN AND STOPPING THE EXECUTION BECAUSE HE BELIEVES IN GWEN AND MERLIN AND HE WANTS TO KNOW WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY
+ THE CONFESSION; HOW MERLIN'S CONFIDENCE IS SO OBVIOUS
+ UTHER SHOUTING, LOL
+ ARTHUR STEPPING DOWN TO BE ON EYE LEVEL WITH MERLIN AND INTERRUPTING HIS FATHER AND LETTING MERLIN AVE HIS SAY. DKSAJDLKJLD.
+ TEARING HIS ROOM APART HAHA AND HOW MERLIN IS JUST AMAZING WITH HIS PLANTING OF BRACELETS AND BELLADONNA.
+ LOL THE FROG! THE FROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOG!
+ MERLIN USING MAGIC IN FRONT OF EVERYONE? OH, WAY TO GO MERLIN!
+ UTHER AND GAIU AND GAIUS SAYING WHAT WE'VE ALL BEEN FEELING; OH UTHER, THAT IS GOING TO BURN
+ YAY. GAIUS AND MERLIN SCENE THAT IS JUST AMAZING!

i call shenanigans!
what was not so good

MORGANA. i was a little disappointed? i just felt like i wanted MORE.

the art of behaviour
the character breakdown

arthur; ARTHUR. quietly confident arthur who is MAKING THINGS HAPPEN. how he is utterly convinced it's a LIE that merlin is a sorcerer and then SHOCK at finding out gaius used to practice magic and uther KNEW. THEN. THEN WE HAVE HIM ACTUALLY BEING ALL 'SHOW SOME RESPECT' when the witch finder was manhandling gaius. and i would be remiss if i did not mention ARTHUR WITH MERLIN. when he just takes him from the hall and LETS MERLIN COME AT HIM and knows that merlin isn't angry with him, not really, and GIVES HIM that time with gaius because he knows what merlin needs. THEN. then in the final hall scene where he STEPS DOWN and is on EQUAL FOOTING with merlin and interrupting his father to convince him that MERLIN IS RIGHT. god, i don't know, arthur was AMAZING this episode.

ALSO. ALSO the bit with GWEN when she convinced him? UGH, yes please.

merlin; MERLN. GOD. when he CRIED. he was just - i dont even know how to put into words what merlin was DOING this week, being all amazing and shit. the way he HURT and the way he just wanted to give it all up because he cant STAND that people will DIE for him and he can't handle it. the way he took it all out on ARTHUR even though he knows that it wasnt arthur's fault and how he just goes at without thinking and he KNOWS he did wrong and it his his GUILT and everything and GOD. i don't know, i just cant SAY IT PROPERLY.

gaius; wow. what to say about gaius that would do it justice? he was amazing. the way he protected merlin and forced the witch finder to focus on him and the UTTER DEVESTATION on his face when he relaised that he had put morgana in jeopardy. his COMPOSURE and the way he took his punishment. CAN WE ALSO TALK ABOUT HIS CONVERSATION WITH UTHER AT THE END? how he just LAID into him and FINALLY said what we've all wanted to say?

uther; HIS FACE. his face when he CAN'T SAY 'TO DEATH'. oh , UTHER. and then when he realises that what gaius is saying is true. ANDHOW HE ADMITS THAT GAIUS USED TO USE MAGIC AND IT IS KNOWN. and how he is so CONVINCED that gaius turned his back on magic; and then lets the witch finder lead him on so OBVIOUSLY. i love that his actions are finally being called into question. it feels like what we have been WAITING FOR.

LET US ALSO FOCUS ON THIS; the fact that uther actually ASKS merlin if he will consent to a search of his chambers. and yet when it comes to gaius he is CERTAIN ALMOST IMMEDIATELY. i find this INTERESTING.

morgana; i hate what they're doing to morgana, by the way. gone is this confident, self-assured morgana we are used to and this time all we got was the frightened child. i don't know, i just feel that she would have put up a bit more of a fight rather than letting (the witch finder) to get to her like that. maybe i'm wrong, but i just feel like she shouldn't really be so meek. i understand that she is afraid of her magic and what this means for her, but i still worry that are taking the core of the morgana we are used to and turning her into something else.

gwen; GWEN. she was ROCKING this episode. she convinced arthur to make a move and put a stop to the flames and THEN, working with merlin on a plan of action and just being the confident and amazing woman i remember. THIS this is the gwen who will be QUEEN and who stole arthur's heart. UNF. she is amazing. period.

the witch finder; HE WAS OKAY. i don't know, he was suitbaly menancing and i called him a douchebag enough times to make it MATTER and LOL THE FROGS. idek like i got the feeling that he still suspects merlin even on a basic level. well, obviously not anymore because he is DEAD but w/ever.

when he looked good
the sexy studmuffin of the episode

COLIN. sorry bradley fans, but it had to be MERLIN this week. he was making WAVES and just being the hottest hotty to ever hot the steps of camelot on a sunny day.

runner up is charles dance. he is still smoking despite being several hundred years my senior.

she rules alone.
the bitch in charge this week

GWEN. gwen is the BITCH IN CHARGE. she was OBVIOUSLY leading the way. giving arthur WHAT FOR and giving merlin direction where he might LACK IT. she was ROCKING - also with morgana? i don't know but she was AMAZING. she is going to make a wonderful queen ♥

my ship comes sailing
the romance that catches my breath

it was a contest between arthur/merlin and arthur/gwen. i just - it totally has to be arthur/merlin, though, i think because i got like WOAH with them wheras gwen/arthur was just woah. the friendship and amazingnes between the FOUR OF THEM, though. arthur, merlin, gwen and morgana was AMAZING. god. YES.

the spoken word
quote of the week

great dragon; i cannot help you. because i do not know how to.

graffiti
pic of the week

CHEATING AND HAVING TWO.

because LOOK AT HOW MERLIN LOOKS AT ARTHUR.

JUST BECAUSE IT SHOULD BE OBVIOUS.
i am left with this;
the questions on my lips, now

i wonder what arthur would have done if they'd interrogated merlin. if it had been MERLIN all the way through the episode. HMM.

Overall

FUCKING YES.

[fic] merlin } you are my sweetest downfall [merlin/arthur, 2x07 TRAILER]

thisissirius@livejournal.com — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 09:54:30 GMT

.you are my sweetest downfall
[merlin/arthur. pg-ish. set to the x07 TRAILER.]
Later, Merlin will wonder how Arthur got to him so fast
notes; spoilers for the trailer, OBVIOUSLY.

(you are my sweetest downfall)

[goes to the MEME entry]

[meme] The Magical Reveal Meme!

thisissirius@livejournal.com — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:36:54 GMT

two things.

+ overheardincmlt. LOL YOU GUYS. i don't know.

+

+ Merlin/Arthur Magical Reveal Meme +

This meme is all about Merlin/Arthur and the MAGICAL REVEAL. The past few episodes have TEASED and TANTALISED me with their CONTENT. They make me think the reveal is IMMINENT (even when it is not). I would love to have YOUR versions of the reveal; MERLIN/ARTHUR STYLE ♥

The rules:

1. Write your Merlin/Arthur MAGICAL REVEALS in the comments below. Please don't link back to your journal.
2. One reveal ficlet/artwork/vid/whatever per comment, please.
3. Play nice. If you don't like the way someone has revealed the magic; move on. Don't start fights/whatever. KEEP IT FRIENDLY, PEOPLE.
4. If your fic/art/whatever includes SPOILERS for ANY of season 2 then please label them CLEARLY. Thank you.
5. Let the discovery begin!

If you like the idea, please pimp this on your journal, using the text inside the box below:

<center>+ <a href="http://thisissirius.livejournal.com/482675.html">Merlin/Arthur Magical Reveal Meme</a> +</center>

♥!

or regular text link;

<center>+ <a href="http://thisissirius.livejournal.com/482675.html">Merlin/Arthur Magical Reveal Meme</a> +</center>

♥!

[picspam] MERLIN 2x07 TRAILER. SPOILERS.

thisissirius@livejournal.com — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 11:40:16 GMT

OBVIOUS SPOILERS ARE OBVIOUS.

it was sorcery you saw, you are certain of it?
yes sire

WELL. The time has finally come then, no, for Merlin's magic to be revealed? After all of Gaius' warnings that he has to be CAREFUL, Merlin makes a HORSE. In the AIR. UGH MERLIN. So silly. Also; IDEK if this is the part from the MAIN PREVIEW where Arthur was all 'what would YOU know about sorcery' and Merlin says NO? IDEK but I feel like it might be!

THEN WE GET CHARLES DANCE \0/

WITCH FINDER. This is going to be one HELL of an episode.

can you prove that it wasn't you?
no

How can anyone prove it wasn't them? WHAT AN INGENIOUS TACTIC, CHARLES. Haha. Anyway. LOOK AT MERLIN'S FACE. This could be the end of EVERYTHING for him but there is still a simmering of ANGER under there!

MY METHODS ARE INFALLIABLE. MY FINDINGS, INCONTESTABLE.

OH. OH GAIUS. You know what's going to happen HERE, right? (SEE BELOW IF YOU DON'T.)

THE FACTS POINT TO ONE PERSON

I AM INTRIGUED BY THOSE FEET. It looks like GWEN but I cannot make out who the other person might be. FLEEING! I hope they rescue Merlin ;_;

(It has been pointed out that it could be MERLIN. LOL FOREVER.)

THE FACTS POINT TO ONE PERSON ALONE; THE BOY. MERLIN!

LET'S TALK ABOUT THESE TWO SETS OF CAPS.

At first glance you MAY think that when Merlin is all YOU'RE A LIAR it's because he has just been accused. HOWEVER. You may notice that the witch finder POINTS at Merlin, but when Arthur is dragging Merlin away (!!!!!) he has his PALM UP. Which brings me to this conclusion; MERLIN IS ACCUSED. GAIUS STANDS IN FOR HIM, TAKING THE BLAME. I don't know, guys, I just get THOSE VIBES.

ALSO. ARTHUR. PULLING. MERLIN. AWAY. dlksjdlkjaldkj!!!

I think you should also take a look at MORGANA in the background; SEE HOW HER HEAD COMES UP? She does not believe it. NEITHER DO WE!

Arthur, you've got to stop this!

GWEN. Oh god. I still think it's GAIUS about to be burnt at the stake. I just - this whole TRAILER gives off that impression!

MERLIN IN A CELL!! MERLIN BEING DRAGGED AWAY!!!!!

Speculate with me people ;_;